Platformists are pretty lame, but so are those hardcore insurrectionists, like, maybe it's a false division or whatever, I don't know

This platformist was too indoctrinated into patriarchal Marxist-Leninist puritanism to appreciate my sexual advances

This insurrectionist hipster has isolated herself from the broad mass of the working-class through her failure to emphasize the revolutionary importance of community infrastructure and dual power projects, hence why she wouldn't sleep with me.

This morning I was a little bored of my normal schedule of disciplined revolutionary conditioning and vigorous masturbation, so I wandered down to the local public library. At this point I was a little groggy from the acute protein depletion caused by my excessive ejaculation and my recent decision to switch back to veganism. (Maybe that patriarchal sexist Nietzsche was right...nah...)

Regardless, my chick radar is always working at full-speed, although sometimes at the expense of my other brain functions, which is why I began drooling profusely when I saw the most beautiful librarian chick, y'know, the kind who pulls down her hair and takes off her glasses, you know what I'm talkin' 'bout, fellas. That's when I noticed she was reading the Northeastern Anarchist, which is when I knew it was my revolutionary duty to inform her that Platformist groups such as NEFAC are bigoted and reactionary opportunist vanguardists who haven't been to Greece and are thus unfamiliar with the historical conditions required to create revolution. Well, unfortunately, I wasn't at the top of my game and she ended up spraying me in the eyes with Mace. I think this is a very sad statement on Platformist tendencies in North America, who are afraid of making bold and daring revolutionary decisions such as sleeping with me, thus leading to an indefinite state of arrested development in terms of building a revolutionary anarchist project in the US.

Luckily I was quickly back on my feet, washing out my eyes in the public water fountain and scoping out my other possibilities. Then I noticed this totally fucking hot hipster chick who was giving me a 22-inch boner. I also noticed that she was at the library computer reading Modesto Anarcho or Social Rupture or some stupid shit, had a copy of The Coming Insurrection in her hand (or it might have been Bonnano, I don't really remember, it's all the same privileged white male crap) and she had two lapel pins that said "Keep it Prole!" and "RAAN like a motherfucker!", so I figured I was good to go.

"Hey babe, did you know that I've been to Greece?"
"Uh-huh"

Her lack of interest in my studly body gave me some sort of indication that she may still be enmeshed in the nihilistic, misanthropic, and primitivistic ideologies of the late 90s North American anarchist scene, as embodied by groups such as Earth First! and Green Anarchy, so I decided to educate her on the correct theoretical direction, name-dropping some classic anarchist texts such as Consensus: A New Handbook for Grassroots Social, Political, and Environmental Groups by Peter Gelderloos, To Get to the Other Side: A Journey Through Europe and its Anarchist Movements by Peter Gelderloos, and A Critical History of Harrisonburg Food Not Bombs by Peter Gelderloos. At that point she decided she was no longer interested in an honest and non-ideological exploration of political theory, because she then proceeded to knee me in the nutsack.

I think this is a perfect illustration of how US insurrectionists, having not been to Greece, tend to glorify "hooliganism" and "violent social rupture" as a spectacular display, divorcing insurrection from the important work of building a grass-roots, horizontal, community-based anti-authoritarian movement which meets the needs of the community through formal and directly democratic decision-making.

Does anyone have some ice or something I can put on this? Because my left nut is still seriously discolored.